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Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Crush, A thing called.



Crushes, we've all had them and the funny thing about them is whilst they last they feel just the real thing. I'm talking about love, and until the 'crush' falls out favour you'll be probably be feeling your lost rib is within reach. Ceafive is probably laughing his ass off right now, see the thing is when we started this blog, the agreement was Ceafive wrote all the romantic stuff and I'll handle all the manly stuff. You know how you get an itch and despite your common sense, you still scratch it ? That's how this post felt like, I just had to write it. Talking about crushes, Ceafive has a major one for this girl, honestly its moved past crush, past love and it's tip toeing into obsession. I mean if Ceafive loves this girl any harder, I'll probably go buy the poison and marry them in secret myself, Romeo and julliet ain't got nothing on these two.

So where were we ? ah crushes, that love knock off. If crushes came with labels i bet it'll say made in china. I mean it imitates love so perfectly, you don't know you got ripped off till you see your crush later and go like man, did i really ? what was i thinking ?. My first crush was this cute little girl with no front teeth and braids sticking from the sides of her head, charming I know. I was having the time of my life in kindergarten till she walked in one morning and changed my world. Picture this, teacher walks in with new student you look up to see what the fuss was all about and you get hit with something your child's brain has no explanation for, that's what I felt that day and I've never been the same since.

Some of you might be asking "what happened ?" "did you end up together ?" what kind of world do you live in ? does this look like a Disney animation to you ? I mean come on, stuff like that rarely happens. My story was 15 years in the making and still going strong LOL. The first decade was filled with some pretty embarrassing memories, ha ha oh man the things we do for love. I'm not being fair by calling this thing a crush, regular crushes don't last decades so lets call a spade a spade and name this what it really is LOVE, no Chinese knock off has ever been made that could last for almost a decade and a half.

You know you are in trouble when you are so into someone that you can recognise their voice in a crowd, when seeing them smile makes you feel all warm inside, when their mood affects you even though they are way over there on the other side of the class. You yearn to talk to her so bad and when you finally get the chance the words just won't come, you've got every curve of face memorized. Watching her grow from that little girl into an even more beautiful teenager, and all you can do is appreciate from afar 'cause the childhood magic is gone. You look into those eyes and all you see is a friend staring back at you when you want more, much much more. So you try in your own awkward way to show her how you feel and all you get from her is confusion and laughter from everybody else.

To appreciate from afar is all you can do now 'cause your efforts have made your friendship awkward, you can't even stand close to her without trembling, and when she smiles you have to muster all your self control lest you faint. So you watch from afar and appreciate the little things, like when she makes you a card for your birthday or when she brings you food on the last day of school or that drink her mum used to make back in the day when you were at her house everyday after school. All you can do is watch, even when she starts to fall for one of your best friends, all you can do is watch and ask yourself why not me ?.

Your notebook becomes your confidant, the only person you can tell anything and not hear it in class next day. So you pour your heart out on paper and all things you wish you could have told her. Its not your fault they sound like poems, that's what you really feel. it's not your fault if it looks like a love letter, they are just the things you never had the courage to say.

After a while when everybody is all grown up and you've had your first girlfriend, you meet her and she's looking lovelier than ever and she has a boyfriend of her own now.Just when you thought you you were all over this, a simple word like boyfriend has your heart racing and you just want to strangle the insect who has the guts to touch your treasure. You hide it well, what you really feel inside, who says practice doesn't make perfect ? you smile and pretend at being friends because the alternative hurts too much. Tell a lie too many times and you start believing it yourself, so when people ask if you still have feelings for her? the smile comes comes easily now and the answer even more so. You almost believe it.

Fast forward to now, there have been girls in your life, no lie. You've lived a full life, tried  almost everything out there, you've practically seen it all. Finally you've met her, that girl that makes you feel love again and you give her your all. She is the one, no going back, the future Mrs. Yet the fates conspire against you again, you end up in the same country with your old flame and after a few calls you find yourself falling back into old habits. This time you try to break your fall, and be mature about the whole thing, after all we are both adults now, you are almost engaged now. Yet your heart still skips a beat when she talks about other boys, all the old feelings came rushing back when you saw her at the bus station after all these years. You had to force your hand to remain still 'cause the old tremble was back, you pull it off so well, she has no idea the effect she has on you. You treasure what you have now, friendship, since its apparent that's the closest you are ever going to get and every night, you ask God if its possible to love two people.

They say true love never dies, but if this heartache is what true love is all about then I'd rather feel something else.  See what happens when you let a crush go unchecked ? if a crush is not a love knock off but rather the seed from which love grows then you better stamp that sucker out before it becomes a weed.
                                                                                                                                           FBNDP

4 comments:

  1. Nice piece...I could relate to this in some way. Thumbs up

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  2. great Write-up. So who is Ceafive?lolz

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  3. hahahahaha!gosh!this is so true!i beleive its posible to love two people at the same time doh.lol

    ReplyDelete