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                                                                                                                 Castro & Ignatius.

HomeGrown

At the risk of sounding pretentious, elitist, ethnocentric, bougie or a combination of the aforementioned, I’m gonna say this: I don’t want my kids growing up in America. 

I come from a large family and I have four brothers and a sister. I’m the youngest, since my youngest sibling passed, and everyone else is considerably older. Because of this, I’m an aunt to quite a few children, and almost all are US born. US born is never the issue, but US raised can be…

I don’t mean to generalize, I know too many US born and raised people who are humble, appreciative of what they get and very considerate of others. But hey, every time you express an opinion, it’s at the risk of seeming to make a generalization, isn’t it?

My nieces and nephews exhibit some traits sometimes that I know very well are not from their parents, and since we are all products of our environment, where else could these be coming from but the external American environment?

They’ll break something, spill it or damage it in another way, and won’t miss a beat in announcing that you can ‘just buy another one’. They feel maltreated if they don’t get to go to an amusement or water park or have some cookies or ice-cream, as opposed to being grateful that they do.

Children where I grew up, are not as picky about food, share more, play nice with their toys and are very generous. Sometimes, my niece would rather cry than let her own brother play with a toy that she ‘owns’. “‘It’s not faiiir’, ‘i got here first’, ‘but it’s myyy toy’" Homegirl doesn’t realize she’s never purchased anything in her life. I see the same behavior manifested several years later in 20-something year-old Americans who would blow a gasket over letting anyone share some of their food, electronics, car etc. The quality of generosity is just not something an American upbringing emphasizes, in my honest opinion. This is why even your best friend can ask you for gas money, after driving somewhere where they were going regardless. I drive in Ghana, but before I did, friends picked me up from home and dropped me off ALL the time, and I am still yet to hear any of them ask anyone for gas money. I want my kids to pay it forward, I want them to believe in The Golden Rule, to love the people around them, be grateful, and above all, loyal. One for all, all for one, because there is really nothing like being totally loyal to others, and having them do the same for you.

I truly love my nieces and nephews, as if they were my own children, and sometimes it makes me sad when they make proud statements about how American they are, and depreciating ones about Ghana. They have little to no desire to be ‘Ghana people’, as they call it, and I can’t blame them. The American media would rather they be anything but African. I know that when they are old enough though, and finally develop some common sense, maybe around the time they go to college, a real Sankofa will occur. They will find that their culture will suddenly become more important to them and they will do everything they can to learn more about Ghana from their parents, and tell their friends what their names mean. Until then though, they can eat their mac n cheese, while my siblings and I sit and chat about Saturday evening trips to Labone junction for fried yam and kelewele.

                                             From www.waterforbreakfast.tumblr.com.

Ashes

I loved and I lost, oh how I cried when my heart broke....

In those few words lie my whole story, the story of how I loved, smiled, and eventually lost. I sit here tossing a quarter up and down, trying to make up my mind about how to tell you this story. Flip, toss, truth ? Flip, toss, lie ? , flip, toss, truth...

I've decided to tell truth and there is no going back, though it hurts to remember, sharing eases the pain. It makes it a little bearable, I can close my eyes at night now, no more lying awake at night because everything reminds me of her. The sheets smell of her, I smell of her, my whole world was her. I'm going off topic again I know but if you will bear with me a while longer, I promise to tell you the saddest story you have heard in a while...

You have heard and seen it all before, on the TV, on the radio, in books and from people you know.
They all tell you how you will know it when you meet the right one ,how it's like nothing you've ever felt before, how you suddenly feel complete. I didn't feel any of those things. At least not at the beginning and when I finally realized I was in love, she was gone....

I did not fall in love at first sight, though she did that night. I could feel it in the way she didn't want to let go,  the way she kept us talking so I wouldn't leave. I should have known, I should have seen it for what it was , but my naivete was beyond measure so to me, she was just another conquest. Another one falling for my charm and that innocent face I show them all, the one that makes them just want to hold me and protect me. Looking back now, all those games were not necessary, I could done anything and she would have love me anyway but I tried to play the game of hearts and I lost terribly...

I've decided to tell the truth so I would be lying to you if I said I didn't feel anything for her, no that would be a lie and I promised not lie to you, I trust you, after all there's honor among thieves. I did feel something, only  it was not love but victory. When she let me into her heart and where no man had been before, I was ecstatic. I had finally won, the patience had paid off and it was time to start looking for an out. So the fights started, the lies, the other women, her tears , oh her tears. I can still hear her sobs, the look in her eyes, her lips beginning to form the words "please" as I walk away, I can't forget that day no matter how hard I try, my conscience won't let me....

A little bit of it rubs off you trust me, while I was making her fall in love, I was falling in love too. When I finally realized it she was gone. See, she has moved on now, she wants nothing to do with me now, she has a new man in her life . I feel everything she ever felt multiplied two fold, I want in now but sadly that door is closed. A little bit of me rubbed off her too, the last time we spoke she promised  not to ever love again. Every man she dates will just be an object to her now, to be used and forgotten  like I used I used and forgot her....

My conscience will not let me forget I ruined another human being...
I know there is a special place in hell for people like me.

                                                                                                                                            FBNDP 

Thoughts...

Those of you who follow me on Instagram know I've had a busy week, I was due some vacation time at work so I took time off to visit a few states whilst en-route  to support my friend in Boston MA. Like i said, it's been a busy week. Any ways, I'm flying back home and having a moment of reflection thousands of feet up in the air. I mean why now ? It's definitely not because of a lack of opportunity, I sleep more than anyone I know so why couldn't this just have happened in the form a dream ? I'm trying so hard not think about plane crashes right now.

So I'm on this plane and thinking about how much I've accomplished in my life, from where things stand, I think I've be slacking. Introspection is not my forte, because i hate looking at my self too closely. You see all those little things you dislike in people ? Turns out you have some of those same traits and in some cases even worse, so I try to put off the whole looking at your life thing for as long as I can.
The problem with that is,  it's like failing to clean up your room. When you finally get down to it, you realize how much filth you've been living in and find all kinds of stuff; some you thought you had lost or just simply forgotten about. My life is not that much of a mess but there's so much unfinished business back there that I'm afraid it take me a long time to sort things out.


My dad never misses an opportunity to remind of how accomplished he was at my age and I never forget to remind him we are in the 21st century . The rules of his generation don't apply to mine. Back in the day all you need was a little education, some business sense and you were set with an OK job. Now, a bachelors degree is like a kindergarten certificate. I'm exaggerating of course but if you've graduated from college and can't find a job, what the use of that Bsc. ?


Seems we are about to land and baggage claim is going to keep me from any more introspection. Hoping this piece of metal lands safely, I'll complete my ashes post and some other stuff I've been meaning to do for a while now. Till then it's adios from the FB who NDP.

Need vs Want

   

 One of my lecturers in college once told me that a child's character is formed by the age of two, anything that happens afterwards is just building up on the foundation. I don't know how true this is but I remember telling me myself that it was implausible. Times change, things change, people change. 

I don't know about the rest of you out there, but I know for a fact that I am not the same person I was a year ago, much less when I was a child. This might sound redundant but what we want is different from what we need and what we think we need is different from what is good for us. I can use many examples to illustrate my point but given the mood I am in right now, I'll use relationships to make my case. 

Nod if any of these apply to you; have you ever been in love?  Have you ever fallen for someone outside your comfort zone ? The kind of person you always warned yourself about? How many nods did you get ? 2? 3 ? .

We always tell ourselves the best lies, because apparently those are the only ones we are willing to believe. Funny how all the resolutions fly out the door when the right person comes along. They say the right words, do all the right things, dang! They even smell great and before you know it you are serving them  your heart on a silver platter. It's happened to almost all of us and since nothing in written in stone, it's bound to happen again. 

Need versus want

 I want person who does this and not that. Translation; I need somebody. 

I want someone who won't take advantage of me:translation  I need someone who can tolerate me

I want someone who loves me for who I am : translation I need someone who can judge me nicely. 

My point is, we don't really know what we want till we get it or someone invents it then you realize what it is you've been missing all this while. making up your mind about something you haven't yet felt is plain crazy. Live life the way it was meant to be lived, one day at a time.

                                                                                                                                                 FBNDP 

The lucky Ones

We all know a lucky one, growing up it was that kid that never seemed to try but was great at all the games you played. In school it was that student that you never saw with a textbook, who skipped class as much as anyone and yet always came first in exams. It's that dude at your office that never does any work yet is your boss's favorite. They are those for whom things just work.

Thinking about it, it seems sort of unfair. Why do some of some us have to work hard for things some people are just 'given'? You kill your self at the gym just to stay in shape but that friend of yours eats anything she wants and never seems to gain any weight. Some people are just born to the 'right' parents with the right of genes  and some girls have to actually beat boys off with sticks; the unfairness of it all.

In the jungle as well as life, there's an order to everything. There's the predator, the prey, the go between and ones who don't belong anywhere. If the lucky ones are the lions of life then it just makes me wonder where the rest of us stand. Lets be realistic, most of us are never going to be as rich as bill gates or have Ryan Reynolds' looks, like Kendrick Lamar said," this shit don't happen to everybody". Very true mr Lamar, so very true.

You are either prey, serving up prey  or an outcast, frankly I think the outcasts are better off than prey. Me, I like to think of my self as a facilitator, a sever, a waiter if you will,it's miles above prey in pay, and its has benefits like life Assurance :)

Before you go thinking this dude doesn't believe in himself, I would like to use this opportunity as a metaphorical red light. Stop right there, yes you reader, I'm one of the  most self assured people you'll ever meet, In fact, if egos were buildings, mine would probably be a spacecrapper, ask my fellow blogger if you don't believe me :)

That being said, I believe to be truly happy, you need to know your place in the scheme of things.
Find where you belong and claw your way up, or in the case of the lion, just eat everyone else.

Genesis....

Another old one .....





Growing up where i did taught me not a few lessons
Surviving everyday of a young life's sessions
Through it all, i held unto my dreams tight
Though i was still learning to distinguish wrong from right
As to some of the things I've seen ,
I imagine I've done worse just to feel free

From classrooms where the lights were dim
To friends who were not what they seemed
From girls i thought i loved
To girls who were easy to be had
I talked the talk, walked the walk, anything just to look the part
though sometimes(not often) it went just a little too far

I lived for the day when i would get the recognition
that would draw to me all the pretty girls' attention
After all,how much more was there to life when you were 13 ?
Having fun, innocently doing what some would now call flirting.

Ive had my moments, atonements, downfalls and catcalls
Tested myself hard just to see if i had the balls
Grew to know me, hate me, love me, and finally accept me
learnt to succeed by being me

Now am at that crossroads you get to when you are 20
Time for some self inspection
Days ahead ? i know I've still got plenty
Days behind ? hope those weren't too dirty
I've paid my dues and come of age
If  where i grew up taught me anything,
It is never to back down for anyone or anything.