Monday, 29 July 2013
Wednesday, 24 July 2013
In those few words lie my whole story, the story of how I loved, smiled, and eventually lost. I sit here tossing a quarter up and down, trying to make up my mind about how to tell you this story. Flip, toss, truth ? Flip, toss, lie ? , flip, toss, truth...
I've decided to tell truth and there is no going back, though it hurts to remember, sharing eases the pain. It makes it a little bearable, I can close my eyes at night now, no more lying awake at night because everything reminds me of her. The sheets smell of her, I smell of her, my whole world was her. I'm going off topic again I know but if you will bear with me a while longer, I promise to tell you the saddest story you have heard in a while...
You have heard and seen it all before, on the TV, on the radio, in books and from people you know.
They all tell you how you will know it when you meet the right one ,how it's like nothing you've ever felt before, how you suddenly feel complete. I didn't feel any of those things. At least not at the beginning and when I finally realized I was in love, she was gone....
I did not fall in love at first sight, though she did that night. I could feel it in the way she didn't want to let go, the way she kept us talking so I wouldn't leave. I should have known, I should have seen it for what it was , but my naivete was beyond measure so to me, she was just another conquest. Another one falling for my charm and that innocent face I show them all, the one that makes them just want to hold me and protect me. Looking back now, all those games were not necessary, I could done anything and she would have love me anyway but I tried to play the game of hearts and I lost terribly...
I've decided to tell the truth so I would be lying to you if I said I didn't feel anything for her, no that would be a lie and I promised not lie to you, I trust you, after all there's honor among thieves. I did feel something, only it was not love but victory. When she let me into her heart and where no man had been before, I was ecstatic. I had finally won, the patience had paid off and it was time to start looking for an out. So the fights started, the lies, the other women, her tears , oh her tears. I can still hear her sobs, the look in her eyes, her lips beginning to form the words "please" as I walk away, I can't forget that day no matter how hard I try, my conscience won't let me....
A little bit of it rubs off you trust me, while I was making her fall in love, I was falling in love too. When I finally realized it she was gone. See, she has moved on now, she wants nothing to do with me now, she has a new man in her life . I feel everything she ever felt multiplied two fold, I want in now but sadly that door is closed. A little bit of me rubbed off her too, the last time we spoke she promised not to ever love again. Every man she dates will just be an object to her now, to be used and forgotten like I used I used and forgot her....
My conscience will not let me forget I ruined another human being...
I know there is a special place in hell for people like me.
Friday, 14 June 2013
I stood, she sat
I cajoled, she retracted
They say stand for something, lest you fall for nothing
But a decision is tougher when all it takes is your every strength
Day after day, they, you, I, we innocently tread that path
Leaving or staying, doing or not doing, our thoughts fight each other
You wait for the new dawn, hoping the thoughts disappear
But do they? They worsen, they prevail, they persist
You think about it everyday and hope it gets better
Sometimes we do nothing about our worries
And hope things become the way we want them
They say a problem shared is a problem half solved
Everything that is, has been and shall be
Worry less, keep your head up, be hopeful but most of all DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT
Love is a beautiful thing!!!! That beauty we can never comprehend...
Inspired by The Groom's Bride
More often than not, we make the wrong deductions because we made the wrong calculations on what we see, heard or what we think it should be. Any guy would talk to the most beautiful in a group of pretty women before he even would want to appreciate the rest. Its human, its natural, to the eyes that's what beauty is.
It is for no unnecessary reason we have five senses, five very different but linked senses. Each of them does what it should do that's what makes us complete. We look at the things we see and call them beautiful, that is not wrong at all. Some people kiss and call it the most beautiful thing they've had that is taste right there, some get touched in a way they never have been and to them it's beauty at its best. But then again, painful but true, one of the senses ends up riding over another. You find out the prettiest gal in the class who gave you your best kiss doesn't say the nicest things to you, the other one you call a low life shows up whenever you need a friend, she gives you that calmness you wish you could explain, and you end up being with her more. That's hearing riding over taste right there.
Inspired by personal journeys, the beautiful ones are the ones we want to repay in every way we think we should but realise we can't match up to, why because they are THE BEAUTIFUL ONES. That one you see yourself driving to because the one you love just pissed you the hell off, that one that calms you down you forget what drove you out of the house. The one who calls everyone she knows can help you and people she wouldn't want to reconnect with just because you need help, and she wants to be the one to do that for you and its not like you have been there for her, no word would even want to be associated with the kind of stuff you put her through. That one you call in the middle of the night every night because you are stuck somewhere and need a ride (i hear capricorns are the best at that tho lol) and she's the usual culprit, always showing up, getting dissed by her friends but she risks for you.
But what do you consider beauty enough? Because she makes you laugh everytime is that beauty enough? Or because she splits her pay with you after you blow yours with friends eventhough yours is bigger, is that the most beautiful person for you? Everybody has a list, every tom dick and harry, even those who do not deserve to hold a scribble pad have points they have bulleted. But one thing you can be sure about is if they challenge you to think you are not being 'beautiful' enough, then you know they made an impact on you.
The Beautiful Ones Are Not Yet Born is a myth...because they live amongst us.
Thursday, 6 June 2013
So I'm on this plane and thinking about how much I've accomplished in my life, from where things stand, I think I've be slacking. Introspection is not my forte, because i hate looking at my self too closely. You see all those little things you dislike in people ? Turns out you have some of those same traits and in some cases even worse, so I try to put off the whole looking at your life thing for as long as I can.
The problem with that is, it's like failing to clean up your room. When you finally get down to it, you realize how much filth you've been living in and find all kinds of stuff; some you thought you had lost or just simply forgotten about. My life is not that much of a mess but there's so much unfinished business back there that I'm afraid it take me a long time to sort things out.
My dad never misses an opportunity to remind of how accomplished he was at my age and I never forget to remind him we are in the 21st century . The rules of his generation don't apply to mine. Back in the day all you need was a little education, some business sense and you were set with an OK job. Now, a bachelors degree is like a kindergarten certificate. I'm exaggerating of course but if you've graduated from college and can't find a job, what the use of that Bsc. ?
Seems we are about to land and baggage claim is going to keep me from any more introspection. Hoping this piece of metal lands safely, I'll complete my ashes post and some other stuff I've been meaning to do for a while now. Till then it's adios from the FB who NDP.
Sunday, 26 May 2013
One of my lecturers in college once told me that a child's character is formed by the age of two, anything that happens afterwards is just building up on the foundation. I don't know how true this is but I remember telling me myself that it was implausible. Times change, things change, people change.